Stuck in between

You know those feelings, I think. It's when you look back on what you've done and wonder, was it really for the best? The self doubt is unforgiving and undeniable. But then you look at what you've gained from a particular decision. And then you're torn between two ends of an infinite spectrum. Was that change in your life worth it? What did I gain, what did I lose?

Honestly, I still don't know what I'm doing with my life. I'm 21, but somedays I feel like I'm 12. It's just so hard to put your life into perspective when there's nothing to compare it with. I'm getting older, and I'm running out of lives. I can see that daunting GAME OVER in my mind. It's getting closer every year. And no, I'm not depressed, but then again, I don't think I'm happy. I don't think I've been happy or satisfied with my going-ons for a long, long time. I'm uncomfortable and awkward with where my life is at. Hell, some of my friends will be graduating soon, and I'm barely into my second or third year, progress-wise.

I keep a laundry list in my head. Stop smoking as much, take school seriously, take friends seriously, be self-reliant, work on relationships with family, etc. I have to be.. stronger. Harder, better, faster, stronger.. lulz

That's enough ranting for tonight I suppose. kthxbye